Friday, March 20, 2009

Of Dinos and Men

Authors Note: Pressing family, personal and school demands stole me away from my keyboard, hence the lack of posts for some time. However I am back, Slizzard has begun to wonder about again, and surely again we will be on our merry way to Slizzard Sluccess and Glory!

Alas returned from the darkness of his master's inventory, buried beneath the gadgets, the glasses, the bow ties and school girl girl outfits??? Ha! The Slizzard has returned, and yush my friends it tiz' been a long time since we last met.

Having dusted myself off, stepping from my swampy residence under the Reservoir Mainstore where my maker has condemed me, along with his other ugly, beastly creations...I have set my eyes on no certain future. No goal, just exposure to the masses and hopefully meeting some friends along the way!
My typical day consists of arriving at a destination, sneaking past the owners or merchants (I've found the sneaking part a little hard, as the Bradford Pear trees and small dinky Banzai sculptures hardly provide much cover) and then snapping some shots. Sadly my friends, as documented here before, life is extremely hard for a large lizzard such as myself. We face merciless racists, belligerent estate owners and not to mention the low ceilings! Ach! What hurts worse, I can hardly describe, the pain of my isolation and rejection or the headache after smashing my goofy head into someones' pagoda!

A thought arose in my mind today, that perhaps it would be best to try and dabble in the Lizard world...otherwise known as the Wild not the Disney theme park! I mean the real wold, where humans scarcely go except for exotic get aways...

I too deserve a get away. Too many rejections and bans can put even the most light hearted slizzards into a cloudy mood.

So I sat there pondering the possibilities. A furry sex club? No, not yet and I'm terrified of the thought of seeining Starfox 64 dancing the macarena. Grendal's Pet's showroom? No, I fear going to places such as that, anyone on the Showcase tab tends to have little patience for kind souls such as myself. Finally, I thought of something, but only when I looked it up and found it really did exist, had I settled on my daily outing:

Ah yush, a fitting place to meet friends wouldn't you say! I thought so myself, and eagerly took the magical wormhole tp to the destination. The place is stunning, okay well, aside from the trees which for someone like me, tend to make walking anywhere a damn messy situation. Take a look

(A note to visitors planning on Tping, make sure to have your graphics settings up a bit, and turn the tree slider all the way to High, otherwise they look like rubbish both from afar and up close, they are Linden trees, kind of funny, prehistoric sim and epoch portrayed with prehistorically shabby graphically appealing trees lol)

So I arrived, and as I've learned in the past I have to make my stay quick and sneaky. Constantly on the move, watching for anyone who would seek to throw me out, and even more so because I really didn't want my arse bitten by a raptor or T-rex.

Looking side to side, watching out for the occasional human tourist, I wound my way hither and away, branches smacking me in my face, and the unseen but heard screams of newbs crumbling beneath my paws. I looked around for any sign of dinosaurs but was put off to find none, however only after careful study I did find some as you can see below. But get this. They were mute. They were prim. They WERENT REAL! Omgz, does not my maker realize my wits are singed and my morale is crippled, how many more false excitments am I to produce before I collapse and drown in my own sorrow!

Alas no time for whining. I decided prior to leaving I'd snap a few pics, check out the tower and scope out some scenery before I headed home...You'll see the pics below, but for now I'm done speaking. I must console myself, and remind myself that someday we will find a land with friendly, intelligent and light hearted friends.

Till next time :P

Friday, March 6, 2009

Here and Back Again

Its been a little while since last update gang, even lizards catch colds, grow depressed by the cold wintry weather and suffer 401k setbacks (lol). But I thought today was a good day to go out in the wide world of pixelated paradise we outside world!

Upon an invitation by Aeon Snook I chanced upon a splendid adventure, which I'm absolutely thrilled to share!


Immediately on arrival at the location specified by Mrs. Snook, "Snooktown," I was greeted with a rather odd sight...rather, not odd so much as peculiarly strange sounding. Upon finally rezzing, a task which took a long time, but was equally matched by the sight I found before me, I was greeted with airplanes! Yush! And moreover I was on a boat! Airplanes and boats! Airplanes and boats!

What could possibly be better?

This question only lasted momentarily as I was pushed off the boat by some mysterious sounding object and found myself several deep meters below the boat in the water, now thoroughly confused, muddled and wet. Yush, Yush! I know, I'm from the sea, but as of late I've been spending many months on land, and well one thing leads to another and let's just cut to the chase: I'm spoiled spat about living on land!

Well I managed to climb up again, or rather fly up using those odd powers one seems to acquire over the Internets...I dunno must be something with the "series of tubes" that makes up the "inter webs." I gained my footing again on the deck of this splendidly detailed...and HUGE...aircraft carrier. It was bigger than me! I'm not used to that! Its slightly arousing!

So I took a few steps, the boat didn't sink (phew!), and looked curiously at the planes neatly parked around the flight deck. There's a lot! And they're shiny! And blue! And Green! And oh I want them all!

I looked around to see if anyone was there, there was. They were rather quiet buggers, I even roared at them a few times but they didn't say a thing. Its my conclusion then that bots are the most unfriendly creatures in this great virtual world, they don't talk. They've got crazy names, and well...I hate being ignored!


Guess what I did? I hopped in the cockpit! heheh! It cracked under my lardy bottom but who cares, for a brief few seconds until the joystick traveled clear 2 feet up my rear end, I was playing "fighter guy"...

Oh its fun, lol I spent clear 2 hours there traveling...there's a few more places there I'm going to post about later, but I'm feeling mighty sick to my tummy and there's a tornado wailing outside so I'm fill ya in later...
I didn't find any friends...just more bots...
Cya laterz

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Making Friends...Again...

I tried making friends, and I still do...

Sure I have friendly invintations from folks here and there, but compared to the bans, the cold shoulders and the anti-lizard sentiment I recieve everywhere else, the negatives are beginning to dampen my faith.

(Makes sad Lizard face)

So gang, I thought I'd start at the beginning. Maybe it was too bold of me to go out into the world, the merchants the elite, the letdowns (lindens) and the radio personalities...maybe they're just not ready for me yet. I decided I had to go somewhere to make an impression, and that place gang, was orientation island.

Of course! Nobody knows what to expect there, surely I would make friends, tell jokes and get along! Maybe I'd even find another Lizlady, perhaps I'd even meet a linden! Oh the joy!


Within minutes I am ridiculed "yer too laggy!" "shrink down yer gonna crash the sim!" "we don't need griefers here, go away, you'll ruin the experience," mind you all of these comments were coming from "mentors" at the waiting area. Needless to say, their comments were depressing, but I'm used to this refrain, so I let it roll off my scales.

However what I wasn't prepared for was the following:

Jolly Green Lizard: Hi! Wanna be friends! I can show you around all the cool places, and even take ya shopping for a bit! Come on it'll be fun!
Curiously Boobtastic Man: Um I don't make sex with lizards.
Jolly Green Lizard: Oh lol. I don't want sex, I just want a friend for the day!
Curiously Boobtastic Man: Oh. Um can you buy me a penis?
Jolly Green Lizard: Oh I can buy you 20! But I'd prefer to get you a new shape. Roflmao you kinda look a little chest heavy! I don't think I know of many men who wear bras!
Curiously Boobtastic Man: Its because I'm transgendered fucking moron! Jeezus. Stupid people really do come in big packages!

And then he left me.

Gang...I'm not a bad person I honestly didn't know that about this character. I read his/her profile and it seemed very ambigious, well it didn't have a word in there but how was I supposed to know he was a she!

(sobs lizard tears)...

Oh look I've soiled the whole purpose, but alas I come to the end of this post...

This has been the worst...okay well the 3rd worst day of 4 days blogging....

Friday, February 27, 2009

Don't know much bout' Biology

Feeling pretty down gang.

This blog post hurts, it really does. Maybe I'm just getting down from being banned and asked to leave so often, but then again this one hurt the most. I traveled to Science Island, the home of NPR's inworld hub for Science Friday (NPR show broadcast on air, they take questions from sl residents too). Well I get there and I hobble over to the stage and am instantly greeted..

No my friends not by the friendly "hello," or "good afternoon," only by this now tired and rotten refrain "Oh (insert location name) gets greifed too? Oh that's just a shame!" :( When's the last time you said that to a human, well behaved or otherwise dashing in his appearences? Never! See there is proof people hold a racist bias against big green monsters!

Now I tried my best to talk them down, I pointed out in fact my average lag (ARC rating) was actually lower than one head of hair of your average avatar. No that didn't work, I recieved numerous "xxxxx glances disparingly at Beagle Weezles" coupled with a few less than friendly Ims. A few more said "you will change out of your avatar correct? When the show starts?"

Change out of my what? My avatar! I am a jolly green lizard! I can't simply just wish away my form. Well...actually...I gave that some thought, seeing nobody seems to accept me, I honestly pondered the thought...

Well Anyway, I approached my hero the show's host, Ira Flato and though I was too scared to talk to him I think he looked at me. But the harrassment continued until finally I got an IM from the manager of the location...

In short gang, she told me to buzz off...

Knowing I could never release myself of my hideous form, I declined her offer to "change to a acceptable appearence" and just left. She had me in IMs and talked me down, my spirits already crushed twice now today, I began to just sorrowfully nod and make my way back home...

Life is pitiful. But at least I got to call her Hun.

Torley Today!

Yush my friends I want a friend! And I know just who to look for, he's green, loves watermelon and has a high pitched voice! Yush its me! No just kidding its Torley Linden!

So, where do I look for the lil bugger? Under a rock? In a sim? Under a sim? You know those Lindens are just creepy old hermits they never come out in public or off their beta grid unless they want to beat you up...or at least that's what I heard....from myself...yesh I have voices in my head...

So I did a lil shopping for Lindens, in the search. Nothin, natta. So I try putting in Phillip Linden...still nothing, well duh...trying to find him is like trying to find lost inventory, not gonna happen. Its gone, forever! But then I put in Torley's name, and I got an odd result "Podcast xxx island"...well that sounded interesting when I

Instantly I'm greeted by colors, vibrant colors! Green! Pink! Green! PINK!.
Wow, these Lindens and their color schemes! I'm home, finally I'm home! Best of all if you look above, I think I finally stumbled upon those magic mushrooms Torley eats before he makes a tutorial. I got up closer and had a sniff but nope...just smelled like primshrooms...(sighs). Moving on though I saw something interesting! Giants! Wooot! Friends!

I tried talking to the duck girl but she didnt say much...just kept giving me a notecard about something, didn't even have her phone number! How am I supposed to meet chicks! Huh? Pfft. So I kept walking and whoa! Look! A moonite!

He was giving me some sort of one finger salute until I got up close and yep...he was giving me the ole buzzard middle finger...I snapped a shot but covered it up cuz I didn't wanna offend the kiddies out there reading my adventures. I"ll be their jesus and take the brunt of this pixelated monster's abuse to spare the children!

So I kept walking and as if it was a hologram I looked up and saw the face of god, he had something like a speech bubble or maybe a speech bubble tumor growing out of his mouth and it said "FRIENDLY GREETINS!!" ITS TORLEY!

The face of God? No I don't believe so it must be something better! It must be Torley Linden! I tried hopelessly to engage his facade in convo, but instead got nothing..sad, once again depressed, I left...from now on, until proven otherwise, all Lindens will be known as Letdowns.

Farewell Torley Letdown. Farewell.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

The Choice of the Day

Each day imma post a place that just made my scales stand up on their ends, that made my fiery breath go silent and cold...

And tonight, the winner is Vintage Village!

Take a look at some of the pics, the place is just awesome!

Pimp Ma Ride

Yush, I want a car! So I'm car shopping! And Yush Imma do this live, well it'll be posted in the past, wait will be posted in the future but writing will be in the past...but I'll be writing as if its in the present...omg omg omg brain freeze!
My first venue for shopping: AM Pro Rides

Now to be fair, I have to disclose a close friend of mine is best buds with the owner of this joint, and I'm assured everytime I want a car, that this bugger makes the best damn cars in the world. We'll see...
Oh I surely did! I tp in and look!

Well that's just great. How the flippin am I to buy a car when the only thing that it seems I can do is have a bar or a beam shoved threw my head! What a headache...and I mean literally! So I'm outta here guys, gonna go shopping somewhere else. I did manage to get a glimpse at one car, see below...and oh yes, I left some lizard junk inside his trunk :P